Hoping for Closure...

It's that time of year again where I am in full thesis mode. This year I seem to be more motivated than I was last year. I think it has something to do with my topic. Last year I wrote about film and how it creates our culture. I loved this topic, don't get me wrong. But this year I am writing about something a little more personal. I am writing about Anorexia as a mental disease.

I struggled with Anorexia a while back for two years. It's still something I struggle with and I know that I always will to some degree. It was the hardest thing that I have ever been through. It was only because of my supportive and loving family and friends, medical treatment, and God that I got better. But I went through a lot of trials and none of them were easy. One of the hardest things I deal with now in the aftermath is hearing people talk about Anorexia like they have it all figured out, when even the doctors specializing in the subject don't fully understand it. People have told me that it's merely a petty self-induced problem. I hate this. Anorexia is one of those things that you can't understand until you go through it. It is literally a demon that lives inside of you and controls you. That's why I chose to write my thesis on the disorder this year. I want to open people's eyes and show them how complex and painful this disorder is.

I have been relatively quiet when it comes to my own experience with the disease but I think I am at the point where I am ready to talk about it with anybody who is willing. I want to be able to help other girls who are struggling with it. I also think that researching and writing a thesis on this subject from the perspective of someone who has suffered from it will be very interesting. I am ready to face some of the things I wasn't willing to before with this paper. I'm looking at it as some form of closure. I know I will never be completely rid of the disorder but there are somethings I am ready to let go of.
I have so many books on the subject and am so interested in it that I can't stop reading. I'm going to do my best to represent those suffering from the disorder in a proper way. I am ready to talk about everything. All I can Hope for is that people will listen.

Peace and Love,

Em