Finding Peace...

 

I was thinking about my sign-off the other day: "Peace and Love". "Peace" can be such a cliche word and sometimes I think it can be used out of context. Peace is something that I am always seeking- peace of mind, peace in my heart, all of it. For about a year now I have been struggling with anxiety. I had never really had trouble with it in the past. Sure, I have had my struggles with perfectionism and ocd but I was never the type to get anxious about things. It started off where I would just notice it occasionally; I would feel my stomach start to hurt before big outings or projects at school. Then in December things started to get worse. I was having trouble with my heart racing where I couldn't breathe and I was getting horrible headaches. That's when I really started to worry. My anxiety had moved from the occasional event to me thinking that I was going to die every time I got into a car. Leading into 2014 things only went downhill: I was making myself feel sick every day to the point where it was debilitating. I won't go into the gritty details but let's just say it's been a big struggle and something that has been very hard for me to fight.  

While on Spring Break a few weeks ago I had a lot of time to think. And it kind of just hit me: I can control this! I didn't want to have to rely on medications and deal with the horrible side-effects only to hope that at some point my anxiety would get better. It was all that was in my head that was making me sick and I have the power to choose and listen to that voice or to silence it. Another thing that has really been helping me is to realize that God already has a specific plan for my life; He has already written my story. When God says it is my time to die it is going to happen and there is nothing that I can do about it. I can't live life in fear of things that will most likely not happen. Like my therapist told me, we face risks every time that we get out of bed in the morning. Life is full of risks and we can't escape them. 

I am happy to say that the past couple of weeks I have been doing really well. I have stopped taking my medication for now and am really working on fixing myself on the inside. I thought I would share a few things that I have been doing that have really helped. These are tips that I think would help anyone who deals with anxiety or even just the occasional stress. 

1. Yoga- This is such a great way to get in touch with your body and to calm and relax yourself. I do yoga breathing every morning when I wake up and it puts me in a great place to start my day and has made a huge difference. 

2. Diet- There are entire books on eating for anxiety and which foods help prevent it. Cashews and Blueberries are two foods that are pretty powerful in preventing anxiety. I have been snacking on both of those a lot recently! 

3. Positive Thinking- Positive quotes or verses really help when it comes to negative or anxious thinking. I have alerts set up on my phone throughout the day so that I am constantly reminded of God's plan for me and the fact that he is always in control.  

This isn't to say that my anxiety is completely gone. It's hard work but I am on my way to finding peace. It's also not to say that life will never be stressful but I want to get to a place where I am not constantly worrying and having that worry effect me physically. 

If you read this whole post you deserve something special. Thanks for sticking by me and listening to me ramble on. I don't often get this honest on the blog but I felt like sharing something that has played a big role in my life lately. 

I hope that you all have a wonderful Wednesday and I will be back on Friday with a more light-hearted post! 

Peace and Love, 

Em

Job...

This summer I read through the books of Psalms and Esther and now I have made my way to the book of Job. I always try to read my Bible at least once a day and while I normally find something moving and captivating some books just affect me more than others. Ever since I started the book of Job I have felt closer to God, I have felt more convicted, and my attitude towards life has changed. All I can say is that God is so good, even when things seem rough. 

 Are there any books of the Bible or verses that are heavily affecting you lately? 

Peace and Love, 

Em

He Is Risen...

I cannot express how much God's love and grace mean to me. He never ceases to amaze me, but on this day in particular I stand in awe of His power and love. I hope that you all have a wonderful Easter and spend the day rejoicing in the fact that He is RISEN. 

Peace and Love, 

Em

...

 Recently I have really become aware of what a cool thing prayer is. To think that God is always there and willing to listen is such an amazing thought. He actually CARES about all our problems and wants us to come to Him with anything and everything. Lately I have been doing a lot of talking with God, a lot of praying. He is always so quick to answer and I feel so much better after I have poured my heart out to Him. Just the thought that the King of the Universe actually cares about me and my little desires and problems is so unbelievable. I think a lot of people only pray when they are having a really hard time or desperately need something. It's too cool a thing just to do it every once and a while. Sometimes you don't always get the answers you want, but knowing that He is listening and is doing what is best for you is the key. I love my chats with my Father. 

Peace and Love, 

Em

Sharing...

This Sunday at Church my pastor taught something that really hit me. At this time in my life I am particularly focused on love. I am 19 and single and feel the need to find myself a man. But I realized that I am in love with the idea of love. What I should be in love with is my relationship with Jesus Christ.

Because while I am so preoccupied with finding myself a husband I need to let God write that story and focus on my relationship with Him. While us girls are looking for love here on Earth, there is an epic love story already written for us and a hero waiting to win our hearts...and his name is Jesus Christ.

I wanted to share this passage from "The Sacred Romance." I think it is so convicting and powerful.

"God could have given up on the love affair with mankind. He could have resorted to power and demanded our loyalty, or given us a kind of spiritual lobotomy that would take away our choice to love Him. Even now, He could easily obliterate our enemy and demand the allegiance of our hearts, but the love affair that began in the laughter of the trinity would be over, at least for us. And Satan's accusation that the kingdom of God is established only through raw power would be vindicated.

Once we understand God's desire to possess our heart through love rather than power, we can fathom even more deeply the depths of God's anguish as He pleads with His people to give up their spiritual adultery and return to His love.

Have you ever dated someone that you just knew, from the first time you met her, that she was the one that you wanted to spend your life with? As you laughed and talked and marveled together, you felt your love deepen to a heart bond that you knew you never wanted to free yourself from. And have you ever been shocked to find one day that the one you loved so deeply and who you thought loved you just as passionately, had been dating other guys and, moreover, was spending more and more of her time with your worst enemy? Have you ever had to literally turn a lover over to a mortal enemy and allow her to find out for herself what his intentions toward her really were? Have you ever had to lie in bed knowing she was believing his lies and was having sex with him every night? Have you ever sat helplessly by in a parking lot, while your enemy and his friends took turns raping your lover even as you sat nearby unable to win her heart enough so she would trust you to rescue her? Have you ever called this one you had loved for so long, even the day after her rape, and asked her if she was ready to come back to you only to have her say her heart was still captured by your enemy? Have you ever watched your lover's beauty slowly diminish and fade in a haze of alcohol, drugs, occult practices, and infant sacrifice until she is no longer recognizable in body or soul? Have you ever loved one so much that you even sent your only Son to talk with her about your love for her, knowing that he will be killed by her?

All this and more God has endured because of His refusal to stop loving us. Indeed, the very depth and faithfulness of His love for us along with His desire for our freely given love in return, are what give Satan the ammunition to wound God so deeply as he carries out his unceasing campaign to make us into God's enemy.

Satan is at work reinterpreting our own individual stories in order to make God our enemy, he is also at work dismantling the Sacred Romance so that there is nothing visible to take our breath away. Counting on our vanity and blindness, he seduces us to try to control life by living in the smaller stories we all construct to one degree or another. He accuses God to us and us to God. He accuses us through the words of parents, friends, and God Himself. He calls good evil and evil good and always helps us question whether God has anything good in mind in His plans for us.

Our experience of life deteriorates from the passion of a grand love affair, in the midst of a life and death battle, to an endless series of chores and errands, busyness that separates us from God, each other, and even from our own thirstiness."

A lot of food for thought, but something that has been weighing on my heart.

Peace and Love,

Em

Love 146...

Peace and Love,

Em

Gearing Up...

Here's to a great week for everyone! I am trying to go in with a positive attitude even though I have plenty of things to stress about. But hey, it's all in the Lord's hands and I am here to enjoy life. What's the point of worrying when my time here is so short?

Hope everyone has a great Monday (although I know we are all dreading it!)

Peace and Love,

Em

Crazy Love...

I started this book on Saturday and could not put it down. It is written by Francis Chan and is a beautiful book about our relationship with Christ and the importance of our faith. I definitely recommend it!

Peace and Love,

Em

Talking to God...

I just recently started my own Bible journal. It's basically a Bible study and a discussion with God all in one. It's a great place to write down my thoughts and to study the scriptures. I totally recommend keeping one. It really helps you strengthen your relationship with God.

Peace and Love,

Em

A Lovely Afternoon For Tea...

Today the Junior and Senior girls got together for a little tea party after school. It was fun to get all dolled up and the food was delish! It was nice to have a little distraction in the midst of freaking out for the end of school.

I love these girls to death. It's going to be so hard to say goodbye to the seniors, I don't want to think about it. We had a great afternoon together. And I am so blessed to know all of these godly women!

Peace and Love,

Em

Love...

Love that comes from the heart responds with the hands without prejudice.

Heard that in church this morning and thought I'd share.

Peace and Love,

Em

I Can't Understand...

My friends never cease to amaze me. Sometimes that's a bad thing, but tonight it's a good thing. A bunch of my friends keep these little journals that they carry around with them all the time. It has become the latest trend. I think it's cool that they journal, but I am pretty content with my blog baby that I haven't really joined this movement. lol

Anyway, tonight at our Grand Tour dinner I looked through Alyssa's. The whole thing was full of color and the best little doodles and drawings. To me it was like a big book of happiness. But it wasn't all just sweet nothings and songs lyrics, Alyssa writes to and about God a LOT. Flipping through those pages really inspired me. Alyssa hasn't had the easiest couple of years. She's had a lot to go through with her family and herself and she has come out of it an incredibly strong young woman. I am so proud of her. She had to witness and go through something really hard today. She always is able to keep a strong face but today she told me that she broke down.

Through all of her trials this past couple of years she has inspired me more and more. I myself am not a very strong person, but Alyssa has been so mature and strong that she constantly gives me the motivation to be brave.

I am so proud of you Lyss. I know that I will never be able to understand everything that you have been through. God has done amazing work in you and I am so glad that I have been able to witness your growth in your relationship with God. Thank you for being my friend and thank you for being an inspiration to me. Hang in there. Remember that God is always holding your hand.

Peace and Love,

Em

Say A Little Prayer...

Last week Alyssa and I got together and decided to do something crafty. We wrote out verses and prayers and then decorated them to our heart's desire. I wrote out a compilation of verses having to do with nature and God's relation to it. It was such a beautiful day and all that I had on my mind was the ocean and sunshine. It was a cute little idea. You should try it.

Love,
Em